5.31

5.30

I was told A Clockwork Orange was my mother's favorite movie. I wanted forever to watch it by myself and was pleasantly surprised when I, also, enjoyed this obscure movie. I guess it is my favorite movie? I've probably seen it 20 times with in the past year and a half, and read countless articles about its sub-context. Cromwell would be proud. That's for sure.
I haven't read the book though. Kubrick's ending is just so much more enticing. I am also afraid that the book will let me down. How can it be better than this masterpiece of fantasy?
I know that the book places emphasis on growing out of these violent stages with the ending of adolescence; making the statement that all teenagers act like this and society should accept this the way ancient ones did. Male lions leave the pack when they come of age. Right, right? Right. Right.
School starts on Monday.
Here are some stuffs that I've been checkin, 

I couldn't decide if I should write things under each photo, or if that would be pointless and a waste of everybody's time. But then I'm like, "Well, they have come to read your blog Lynn..". To which I respond, "Is it weird that I talk to myself in 3rd person?", but then I counter with, "No. It is weirder that you write about it on a blog". 

What have you got back home, little sister, to play your fuzzy warbles on?

I'mma tell you a secret cause I'm bored. 

Nope. I wrote it out and decided against it. HA. 

suckers.

thinking I'd give up a secret all willy nilly. 

5.27

I've been wearing Chanel NO 5 for the past weeks, and I absolutely hate it. It smells like hospital soap, bug spray and old ladies. But I keep telling myself that it smells okay, only to immediately regret putting it on.
Sometimes, it makes me smell really clean-, which is nice, but that clean smell comes inbetween the initial bug spray smell and the later old woman smell. I guess you could call it moth ball-y.
I don't feel sexy with it.
Commercials are liars.

Lots of piano. very impressionistic since I can usually fib those to my tastes and require less practice than a fugue or solfeggio .
Lots of inspiration has been flowing in. I watched like all of Blue Planet yesterday just because oceans are awesome. I was overcome with the sense of being under water for much too long and had to stop. Lots of insect research. and men's pants.
The handiest thing about my new phone is how quickly I can take and save notes.

If you saw me this way you would think I was a stranger.

"My voice is gonna be weird for this one I guess.
-coughs-
Allergies are gross. Um, Okay. So today, I bought a vacuum cleaner. Don't really like that. Feel really old. I guess. I feel really old. I, like, listened to techno and felt really young and cool. Then, I bought a fucking vacuum cleaner, and, of course, I have to call my dad for help. I've never bought a fucking vacuum cleaner before. And DAMN those bitches are expensive.
So, I call him and I'm like, "Is it worth getting one of the shitty up right ones? Like, is that going to be a good enough vacuum?", but I didn't really want that one. I wanted one like - coughs- my mom had when I was growing up, cause it was fucking good. I don't remember ever being like, "This bitch isn't cleaning up!", but every single vacuum since then? just unusable, fucking broken. Well, Elk has never heard a vacuum before, and she's a little bit scared. -laughs- She'll be fine.
It's really hot.
Um.
Today a woman at Target, where I bought my fucking expensive as hell vacuum, told me she really liked my shirt. It's the black chiffon one I made. She thought it was a single shirt instead of a separate thing over my tank top.
Elk is trying to jump on a stool
YES THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG RIGHT NOW!
I like it because it sounds like -coughs- it sounds like they are saying "Black bird". Justice does a great job with music. Soulwax does a great job with remixes. Also, why are all these Techno bands naming their songs "ghost things" Skrillex has a spirits and scary monsters. Does Daft Punk have one? They are mostly just about robots... right? Yeah. Oh shit, I just forgot who I've already listed. Deadmau5 has Ghosts(?) and Justice has Phantom. I bet I ready said that one, but I can't really rewind can I.
Don't you just love songs that make you feel like you are going? That acceleration feeling? Kinda like you are flying?
I don't know.
Both of the cats are just staring at me. It is very creepy.
HEY I GOT A CAT TOY! - throws toy- Neither of them went for it.
Oh, and I got those space saver bags, which are giant and AWESOME. I can stand in them and, like, they come up to my waist. and I could have friends in there with me. We could have a ziplock bag party!
That would be so much fun. But I feel like it would get really creepy after about 30 seconds, cause your genitals would be awkwardly pressed in plastic against each other. Oh, gosh. I hate standing next to people.
Oh, and I took my car in to get the rear brakes done, cause my dad and I couldn't figure out the piston. And those bitches talked to me like I was an idiot. They just kinda looked at me. "Can we see the pads? Did you bring the pads with you?" I take it out of the car and hand it to them and they are like "Oh, ceramic." And they just kinda looked at me with the "ohhhh hmm" face AND THEN PUT THE PADS RIGHT STRAIGHT BACK IN THE CAR, like they just wanted to see what kind of pads a girl buys for her car. And that's shit! cause I know they weren't going to put ceramic pads on it anyway. My car didn't have ceramic pads when I went to take them off! Wait, yes, they had the little semi metallic. Those things are so weird.
um, here it comes - dances-
500 freakin dollars later! Well, I had the brake fluid changed too but still! they only took of 60 dollars cause I had my own pads. I know they were going to give me the 20 dollar pads for 60 dollars. I don't think this is fair. I need new windshield washers. No. Wipers. -laughs- I'm thinking of dish washers. That would be cool if you had a little thing you slide your windows through. I guess that's just a car wash isn't it. But it's different you know? It's impractical in my head. Everything would narrow down in to 2 dimensions, squeeze through and get scrubbed on both sides.
She's trying to come in the fucking chair with me. I'm sitting next to a shelf!. and she's... -shakes head-
I'm talking about the car. And so everything would just get scrubbed, and then, like, when it went out of the machine it'd, like, pop back up in to 3D.
Why do we say 2D if it still has the dimension of time?
So wait. Okay, so is like, a cartoon still 2D, an like an object 3D, and video and real life are in 4D? Okay. What is 5D? like, are their more D's that we don't talk about? I feel like there could easily be more D's.
I dunno..
School starts next week. Not this week. It doesn't start on Monday. It starts the next monday.
Hm..
Okay, well, I don't know what else."

5.25

Religion is very important to me. 
Religion drives so much of the cultures around me. Religion brings ceremony, reverence and a pompus nature you cannot find in any other aspect of cultures. Buddhist temples, Aztec ceremonies, the Vatican? All of it is decked to the t in gold, valuables, even human blood. You don't find this any where else. 
Government is modeled on the basic religious structure. Look at pictures of presidents, think of the things they have, where they live, public appearances, responsibilities. 
Religion has always been a tough one for me. It didn't make sense that god would allow me to be locked in my room or my mother to die, but people just kept telling me it would be okay. Well it wasn't. So... that was pretty much lies. 
But Jesus.
Damn, is Jesus the SHIT or what? He cruses with his home boys, philosophizes with his besties in front of a ton of people; pretty much a jammin dude. 
I was raised by a Catholic and Presbyterian in a Unitarian church. Thought I was Buddhist.  Wiccan. Then Buddhist again. I was fascinated by Nuns and the Amish. Lately, I've just said I'm Atheist.


The Quakers seem cool though. 
I could chill with the Quakers. 

5.23

Went to the zoo. I am really into eye contact and facial emotion.

5.20

I wouldn't say I was smart. I'm not saying I am stupid. Please, don't get me wrong here. It's just, I feel as though, if I was smarter, I would have taken a higher math classes than algebra 2. The only things I learned in that class are: how to read a binary clock, and bulimics are in bad moods after lunch.

Went home to the family this weekend. Missed the cats. It's not like what you think. I am used to seeing them out of the corners of my eyes and reassuring myself that they haven't escaped (my window system failed me again today). But, when you take me out of that environment (and I don't see any animals running around), I instinctively have a mini panic attack before reassuring myself that my cats, in fact, are not here anyway.
There are only white people at all the places I go in Tulsa. I think I saw a few asians at some point, but I could count the number of black/indian people I saw on both hands and not even worry about going to the toes.
Example

out of 4x that many people this was the only black guy to be found.

This week will be busy.

5.12

Spent the entire day installing a light and string installation that doesn't show up on the only camera I own with a charged battery. Great.

I get to see friends I have had for 8 years in 6 days which I am extremely excited for. I also have to return to my families which I am not excited for. 

My father made the bread for my school lunch sandwiches for like 2 years. How did I give those away? What did I eat for lunch? 

5.11/2

She had forgotten that he was still asleep in his room as she danced through the kitchen, living room. It was breakfast time, but, as usual, she wasn't hungry yet. She stared at the kettle and considered telekinesis- is this how she would use it? or would it be a waste to use such a powerful skill on switches? She would probably use it to switch on the thermostat. She probably wouldn't need to walk any more. Can you transport yourself? Yes. You always see the most powerful mutants floating themselves through the air.
They are always crippled though. Is it because they've lost the use of their legs?
Today was a green tea and ginger sort of day; spicy but nice.
Everyone needed a lot of help.
As humans we are incapable of handling ourselves. As humans we have collective knowledge. Otherwise, we are Tarzan.
She let out an "AHYAHYAHYAHYAHHHH" and beat her chest firmly while the kettle simmered.
Proteins were low. She chewed leftover roast beef out of the tub, hunched over, fridge open. Tarzan would never eat this way. He would swing through the forest, picking mangos.
He appeared in the kitchen. His linen boxers creased from the bed. He smelled of sweat, sleep and a tinge of sex.
She kept her eyes glued in the container as he stopped and looked at her.
"What's with the yelling?", he asked quietly, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
"Hm?"
"The yelling?...... nevermind." He opened the fridge wider and brushed past her to grab eggs and sausage. "If you are going to keep getting up at 4am, could you please turn on the heat?"
She nodded and put the picked-over meat back in the fridge.
The kettle was done.
"Tea?", she asked.
"Please."
She poured two glasses and began to leave the kitchen.
"Wait. Can you hang out while I cook these?", he whispered.
The silence of the early morning was barely broken as she hopped up on the counter and blew the steam off her  tea.
The sausage began to sizzle in the pan, and he asked how she had slept.
"My room was too warm." She could see the goose skin formed in the small of his back. Shivers were occasionally running over his muscles.
She liked watching him slightly suffer. Only enough to spark creativity. She wanted him to experience life.
He predictably apologized and kicked his slipper around in front of the stove. He turned to look at her and she again avoided eye contact. "Was your bed okay?"
"Sure". In reality, the bed was great, the room was perfect, this house was perfect, she just didn't want to be here. He was too self righteous. His brain was calm. He would try to fix her and care for her.
He cleared his throat, and she left the room.

5.11

Newest family portrait.

5.8

Hey there,
My name's lynn.
and guess what's up.
I didn't see anyone yesterday.
I didn't even leave my apartment.
Instead, I surrounded myself with flash cards.
I left my apartment twice to get furniture from my car.
I find my self enjoying my alone time more and more each day. 
I spent the past 2 hours watching scratch and hiphop music videos on youtube.
If I don't get an A or B on this test I am going to get a C in this class and lose my 3.1.
That didn't motivate me to study for longer than 8 hours for my History of Fiber Exam though.
Wild Boar in Flight: 4th Century CE, Egypt, Coptic- Part of a wall tapestry, woven at 90 Degrees. 

5.7

I want to make the movies I wished my mother had made for me.
I don't know what she would have said.
I can't even guess what she would have taught me.
3 days until summer.

5.6

I only need a pen and paper and someone to write down my ideas.