This photo is rocking my boat. I really just want to make things, but I have been road blocked with my space limitations in Tulsa.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
12.22
This photo is rocking my boat. I really just want to make things, but I have been road blocked with my space limitations in Tulsa.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
12.15
I have nothing new.
I am regretting much of
life and liberty
My cats drink from my
Glass of water and pee it
all over my floor
I don't think I'm right
people might say otherwise
But I am not wrong
Sunday, December 11, 2011
12.11
As some of you may know, I stopped using shampoo more than two weeks ago. While my hair is different, it looks better now. I mix one tablespoon of baking soda with a cup of water and "scrub" that into my hair when it feels greasy, and I rinse it with the same ratio of apple cider vinegar as a conditioner. I have also just been washing my face with baking soda but continuing to use my Lush products for moisturizer/toner as it is Winter.
but
about my hair
I've washed it every day since I can remember and blow dried/straightened it everyday since 8th grade. This year I have been growing my hair out and straightening it less. Now that I am not shampooing it feels incredibly strong and healthy.
I go to Tulsa this week and stay through the holiday. I am not sure if I want to be in KC or Tulsa for the new year. Class starts on the second, so I feel like I should be here. I just like my friends in both places. I guess we will see.
I hope everyone's gifts go over well.
I hope that the cats live through the car ride and location change.
Lc is old.
Monday, December 5, 2011
12.5
Reflections On This Semester.
How did this semester go?
-Eh, I did better health wise (ie. I lost weight a normal people way, and I slept a normal amount-ish)
-People stole lots of my ideas forcing me to change my approach to some of my projects.
-I'm still not satisfied with my education from KCAI's fiber department, but I am doing enough independent research that I think I'll be confident enough with whatever job I choose. My peers lowering my degree's meaning? Well... no shit. People will graduate not knowing how to knit. FROM A FIBER DEPARTMENT.
-I made a lot of scarves and enjoyed them.
-I am better at sketching.
-I have a kitten.
So I've been making spacesuits all semester.
Why?
Because, not only am I fascinated by our approach to space, I think they are a good representation of my misanthropic approach to life.
My first two were designed while watching a lot of "old school" science fiction and trying to ignore/conceal why I was making them (mostly due to my embarrassment). I put people in them and made them bluntly silver.
My second two were designed with more concepts. My "man" is limited, but his face is open. He has no use of his arms and his pants are only two feet long. His suit glows has chaotic stitching that glows in the dark and a glowinthedark printed "snowflake" pattern. The pattern shows silver in normal light where as the stitching is hidden. To me they represent my attempt at attracting people as a child. I would practice these things at night to seem normal and accomplished during the day.
My female suit is see-through on the tops of the legs and middle of chest. The helmet limits all senses and contact with the outside. The hidden exposure is related to the way "Friends" exist in the world. You have very little control over what is posted of you on the internet/said through text. Maybe I shouldn't be writing all this, but I take comfort in the fact that very few people read this nonsense.
Edit: Had the best critique in my KCAI history over my men's suit. Thank you to my quilting class and Professor, Kim Eichler-Messmer.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
12.4
I am exhausted. I have a three weeks until my Winter class begins, during which I will be trekking to Tulsa for the absolute no expectations of my childhood friends. I really enjoy them. We all chose completely different paths in life yet get along and exist on similar intellectual levels. I find it inspiring to relax with them/be my alter-self with people who accept me.
Winter class ideas :
Crochet forms from silk strips
Weave shit tons of fabric
Make art about my mother
- I am very unsure about this. It is easier for me to create from the ripple effects my mothers death has placed in my life; my father, various hospital visits, anxiety patterns, isolation, but I have never just dealt with the actual event.
--I am nervous that I will not do my mother justice.
--- I have elevated her above human nature and made her a driving force for every action of my life.
----How can I make something worthy of my creator?
Friday, November 25, 2011
11.25
Do you like to eat?
Sometimes I eat by myself
My life is lonely
Boys always find me
They say the worst things ever
I worry for them
If you broke a glass
Who would pick up the small shards
And bring them to you
If I had a child
I would let it grow their hair
Down to their small feet.
Penises are not hot
Why do they even exist?
Does god have bad dreams?
Sunday, November 20, 2011
11.20
He sat on her couch. Work was terrible. He couldn't remember the last time anyone thanked him.
That was a lie. The old woman thanked him every time she bought rolling papers- which was surprisingly more than one would expect.
So, Anyway. He sat on her couch. She was fatter than he expected and she seemed really self assured, as if she was doing him some sort of favor by this "date". Did this mean she was going to give him something? She was telling some story, but it was all over the place and had lost him somewhere around the spacemen using facebook rant. She spoke weirdly, like her mouth wouldn't open enough. or was it a syllable behind? He was beginning to focus on the texture of her lips.
They seemed soft.
he wanted to touch them. would it be strange to reach out and touch them? what would she even do?
Her cat stared at him from the doorway. It looked like a cat his 10th grade English teacher had. Julie had sat in front of him. Her jeans were always a bit too small. She wore this blue satiny thong at least once a week. Maybe more. He couldn't even remember the color of her hair.
Julie was just that thong.
Back to her cat - It didn't seem to like him. He couldn't remember its name. Maybe Flower? Or Flour? Something stupid. what is with women and cats? would it try to watch if they had sex later? would animals watch human porn?
She asked him something.
He hadn't heard.
He smiled.
"I'm going to take that as a yes.." She looked like that wasn't what she had been looking for.
He ran a few fingers through his greasy blonde hair. A few strands fell out.
"Well... I don't really know", He tried to touch her hair, but she stood up.
"You don't know how drunk you are?". She laughed.
He looked at the half empty glass in his hand and lightly swirled the amber liquid around. "I don't know. Somewhere between buzzed and tipsy?"
She swiftly took the glass from him. Her soft fingertips touching his cold ones for a split second before she disappeared into the kitchen. That touch was enough to send shivers to his groin.
He called out “How long have you lived here?”
“Almost two years. I’m thinking about moving.” She poked her head back into the dim living room. “I feel like the space ratio is wrong”.
“Space ratio?” He lay back on the couch and closed his eyes- Envisioning her- Planning out the things he should say later so that he wouldn’t seem nervous when..
“Yeah. I mean, it’s just me and Xochitl in these five rooms. It needs to be smaller.. or bigger….” She trailed off and he heard the clinking of glasses.
“Oh…” he said. He could never afford to live in this apartment by himself. where did she get this money?
She returned the glasses and sat opposite him. “Have you never thought that you just didn’t fit in a space?”
“Like the person who designed it was the complete opposite of you?”
She smiled at him and took a sip of her drink. He did the same, feeling more confident in the night.
This drink was stronger.
He had a fleeting worry that she drugged him.
He choked a bit trying to swallow.
She apologized and smiled at him again. He noticed the way her bangs fell on her forehead. “What is your job? I saw that you said you were an engineer, but we both know that is pretty vague.” She asked, laughing.
He chuckled and considered telling her about how he spent two hours a day reading online articles or just looking at pictures of animals for sale on craigslist- He decided that was a bad idea- perhaps he should mention a possible promotion? what did she want to hear? “It’s mostly computer stuff. My boss is working on a big system and he has me finish the little pieces. How about you?” He really didn’t want to talk about how he never used his degree knowledge or how he hated his boss. Both things, he felt, would come up quickly if he continued.
She laughed and looked annoyed. “Just still working on my thesis that modern society forces us to be alone.” He realized this is what she had been speaking of earlier with the facebook and spacemen monologue- Strike one.
They both drank more. The cat still leered from the corner.
She yawned.
-Strike two.
do you read much?
how was your childhood?
did your mom ever lock you in a closet?
do you have any siblings? Yes. That sounded the least threatening.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“I have a younger brother. He lives with my parents back at home.”
“What’s his name?” he asked. He wanted her to keep talking. He was too nervous.
“Stephen”
More silent drinking ensued. They both looked around awkwardly. He started trying to read the titles off books on the shelf.
“Find something interesting?” she asked.
“Do you read much philosophy?” he was grateful for the interruption.
“Not really. I enjoy it but the books I have are mostly assigned from my classes at school. I considered majoring in it at some point, but that’s just more work.”
“You seem like you would be good at it.”
she smiled. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes! Yes. Of course.” He laughed
That was a lie. The old woman thanked him every time she bought rolling papers- which was surprisingly more than one would expect.
So, Anyway. He sat on her couch. She was fatter than he expected and she seemed really self assured, as if she was doing him some sort of favor by this "date". Did this mean she was going to give him something? She was telling some story, but it was all over the place and had lost him somewhere around the spacemen using facebook rant. She spoke weirdly, like her mouth wouldn't open enough. or was it a syllable behind? He was beginning to focus on the texture of her lips.
They seemed soft.
he wanted to touch them. would it be strange to reach out and touch them? what would she even do?
Her cat stared at him from the doorway. It looked like a cat his 10th grade English teacher had. Julie had sat in front of him. Her jeans were always a bit too small. She wore this blue satiny thong at least once a week. Maybe more. He couldn't even remember the color of her hair.
Julie was just that thong.
Back to her cat - It didn't seem to like him. He couldn't remember its name. Maybe Flower? Or Flour? Something stupid. what is with women and cats? would it try to watch if they had sex later? would animals watch human porn?
She asked him something.
He hadn't heard.
He smiled.
"I'm going to take that as a yes.." She looked like that wasn't what she had been looking for.
He ran a few fingers through his greasy blonde hair. A few strands fell out.
"Well... I don't really know", He tried to touch her hair, but she stood up.
"You don't know how drunk you are?". She laughed.
He looked at the half empty glass in his hand and lightly swirled the amber liquid around. "I don't know. Somewhere between buzzed and tipsy?"
She swiftly took the glass from him. Her soft fingertips touching his cold ones for a split second before she disappeared into the kitchen. That touch was enough to send shivers to his groin.
He called out “How long have you lived here?”
“Almost two years. I’m thinking about moving.” She poked her head back into the dim living room. “I feel like the space ratio is wrong”.
“Space ratio?” He lay back on the couch and closed his eyes- Envisioning her- Planning out the things he should say later so that he wouldn’t seem nervous when..
“Yeah. I mean, it’s just me and Xochitl in these five rooms. It needs to be smaller.. or bigger….” She trailed off and he heard the clinking of glasses.
“Oh…” he said. He could never afford to live in this apartment by himself. where did she get this money?
She returned the glasses and sat opposite him. “Have you never thought that you just didn’t fit in a space?”
“Like the person who designed it was the complete opposite of you?”
She smiled at him and took a sip of her drink. He did the same, feeling more confident in the night.
This drink was stronger.
He had a fleeting worry that she drugged him.
He choked a bit trying to swallow.
She apologized and smiled at him again. He noticed the way her bangs fell on her forehead. “What is your job? I saw that you said you were an engineer, but we both know that is pretty vague.” She asked, laughing.
He chuckled and considered telling her about how he spent two hours a day reading online articles or just looking at pictures of animals for sale on craigslist- He decided that was a bad idea- perhaps he should mention a possible promotion? what did she want to hear? “It’s mostly computer stuff. My boss is working on a big system and he has me finish the little pieces. How about you?” He really didn’t want to talk about how he never used his degree knowledge or how he hated his boss. Both things, he felt, would come up quickly if he continued.
She laughed and looked annoyed. “Just still working on my thesis that modern society forces us to be alone.” He realized this is what she had been speaking of earlier with the facebook and spacemen monologue- Strike one.
They both drank more. The cat still leered from the corner.
She yawned.
-Strike two.
do you read much?
how was your childhood?
did your mom ever lock you in a closet?
do you have any siblings? Yes. That sounded the least threatening.
“Do you have any siblings?”
“I have a younger brother. He lives with my parents back at home.”
“What’s his name?” he asked. He wanted her to keep talking. He was too nervous.
“Stephen”
More silent drinking ensued. They both looked around awkwardly. He started trying to read the titles off books on the shelf.
“Find something interesting?” she asked.
“Do you read much philosophy?” he was grateful for the interruption.
“Not really. I enjoy it but the books I have are mostly assigned from my classes at school. I considered majoring in it at some point, but that’s just more work.”
“You seem like you would be good at it.”
she smiled. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes! Yes. Of course.” He laughed
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
9.25
It is finally cold enough for me to think. I wish I had become an astronaut. I feel as though I would do well in isolation. I also wish I could turn into a sail boat; my spine extending like masts, I launch myself into the sea
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
5.18
Made it to Pennsylvania. It is very lovely. I have realized how strange it is to live in a big house with lots of family. It is something I missed as an adolescent. Also, I miss my cat a lot.
I feel as though my laugh is awkward.
My cousin is sick.
and in to "screamo".
SURPRISE!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
4.12
Dear Jesus,
I like to think that you have the answers to these types of things. To be honest, I'm pretty sure I just failed all my finals. TADA!
Love,
I hope you would know my name considering you are Jesus.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
4.17
Woke up with a fever. Eyes were swollen shut. Took Benadryl and stayed in bed until 4pm. Made 9 slides of my pechakucha. Started writing a short story that became an autobiography.
"hey listen have you ever been on a motor cycle?"
Tomorrow I am critiqued by Natalie Gendle. She is pretty cool. Check her out at www.NatalieGendle.com
Saturday, April 16, 2011
4.16
died my 20 yards of silk in a gradient. Took four of us to put it in to 11 containers.
scarlet ---------------------------------- Blue
I will start traveling around kansas city with it soon.
Need to make a presentation, set up for a guest critique and write an 8 page paper in the next few days.
Ice cream is super tasty.
Some people have very strange foreheads.
I've been very entranced with my dreams lately. My sleep pattern has been a 2hr- 12hr-2hr-12 hour pattern. My caffeine addiction has been up and running. These variables have been producing very rich and vivid atmospheres that I am confusing with real life.
Have we already has this conversation? Didn't I just do this? I've already been here.
I've also been buying things in pairs. three pairs of pears.
All the plumbers I have met in the past week have had facial hair. It makes me wonder if they have some sort of meeting to decide what is in "plumber fashion".
Monday, February 14, 2011
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