11.25

Do you like to eat?

Sometimes I eat by myself

My life is lonely

Boys always find me

They say the worst things ever

I worry for them

If you broke a glass

Who would pick up the small shards

And bring them to you

If I had a child

I would let it grow their hair

Down to their small feet.

Penises are not hot

Why do they even exist?

Does god have bad dreams?

11.20

He sat on her couch. Work was terrible. He couldn't remember the last time anyone thanked him.
That was a lie. The old woman thanked him every time she bought rolling papers- which was surprisingly more than one would expect.
So, Anyway. He sat on her couch. She was fatter than he expected and she seemed really self assured, as if she was doing him some sort of favor by this "date". Did this mean she was going to give him something? She was telling some story, but it was all over the place and had lost him somewhere around the spacemen using facebook rant. She spoke weirdly, like her mouth wouldn't open enough. or was it a syllable behind? He was beginning to focus on the texture of her lips.
They seemed soft.
he wanted to touch them. would it be strange to reach out and touch them? what would she even do?

Her cat stared at him from the doorway. It looked like a cat his 10th grade English teacher had. Julie had sat in front of him. Her jeans were always a bit too small. She wore this blue satiny thong at least once a week. Maybe more. He couldn't even remember the color of her hair.
Julie was just that thong.
Back to her cat - It didn't seem to like him. He couldn't remember its name. Maybe Flower? Or Flour? Something stupid. what is with women and cats? would it try to watch if they had sex later? would animals watch human porn?
She asked him something.
He hadn't heard.
He smiled.

"I'm going to take that as a yes.." She looked like that wasn't what she had been looking for.
He ran a few fingers through his greasy blonde hair. A few strands fell out.
"Well... I don't really know", He tried to touch her hair, but she stood up.
"You don't know how drunk you are?". She laughed.
He looked at the half empty glass in his hand and lightly swirled the amber liquid around. "I don't know. Somewhere between buzzed and tipsy?"
She swiftly took the glass from him. Her soft fingertips touching his cold ones for a split second before she disappeared into the kitchen. That touch was enough to send shivers to his groin.
He called out “How long have you lived here?”
“Almost two years. I’m thinking about moving.” She poked her head back into the dim living room. “I feel like the space ratio is wrong”.
“Space ratio?” He lay back on the couch and closed his eyes- Envisioning her- Planning out the things he should say later so that he wouldn’t seem nervous when..
“Yeah. I mean, it’s just me and Xochitl in these five rooms. It needs to be smaller.. or bigger….” She trailed off and he heard the clinking of glasses.
“Oh…” he said. He could never afford to live in this apartment by himself. where did she get this money?
She returned the glasses and sat opposite him. “Have you never thought that you just didn’t fit in a space?”
“Like the person who designed it was the complete opposite of you?”
She smiled at him and took a sip of her drink. He did the same, feeling more confident in the night.
This drink was stronger.
He had a fleeting worry that she drugged him.
He choked a bit trying to swallow.

She apologized and smiled at him again. He noticed the way her bangs fell on her forehead. “What is your job? I saw that you said you were an engineer, but we both know that is pretty vague.” She asked, laughing.
He chuckled and considered telling her about how he spent two hours a day reading online articles or just looking at pictures of animals for sale on craigslist- He decided that was a bad idea- perhaps he should mention a possible promotion? what did she want to hear? “It’s mostly computer stuff. My boss is working on a big system and he has me finish the little pieces. How about you?” He really didn’t want to talk about how he never used his degree knowledge or how he hated his boss. Both things, he felt, would come up quickly if he continued.
She laughed and looked annoyed. “Just still working on my thesis that modern society forces us to be alone.” He realized this is what she had been speaking of earlier with the facebook and spacemen monologue- Strike one.
They both drank more. The cat still leered from the corner.
She yawned.
-Strike two.
do you read much?
how was your childhood?
did your mom ever lock you in a closet?
do you have any siblings? Yes. That sounded the least threatening.

“Do you have any siblings?”
“I have a younger brother. He lives with my parents back at home.”
“What’s his name?” he asked. He wanted her to keep talking. He was too nervous.
“Stephen”
More silent drinking ensued. They both looked around awkwardly. He started trying to read the titles off books on the shelf.
“Find something interesting?” she asked.
“Do you read much philosophy?” he was grateful for the interruption.
“Not really. I enjoy it but the books I have are mostly assigned from my classes at school. I considered majoring in it at some point, but that’s just more work.”
“You seem like you would be good at it.”
she smiled. “Is that a good thing?”
“Yes! Yes. Of course.” He laughed