7.11 slurpie remix

Sometimes I imagine you sitting next to me.
After a while we start to get comfortable with each other, and I imagine my knee touching yours. You show me something in front of you, and my moving in for a better view causes our arms to touch. As I grow tired, I rest my temple on your shoulder.
At first you are rigid, and we are both very aware of each point of contact, but slowly we relax, and it feels strange when I do lift my head up and look at your face.
You know I am looking at you, but you can only focus before you. Your cheek shows me the impression of your tongue running over your molars.
"Are you okay?" Your lips flutter, but you still won't look at me.
I stare at you, waiting for you to turn your face to me, but you still refuse.
You repeat the question, eyes unmoving.
I answer "no", quietly, still looking at you.
Your mouth frowns. I know you are displeased. Now it feels obvious that you aren't looking at me. I know we both know you should be looking at me.
"Hey", you say softly, "What's wrong? We gotta be positive. We gotta, ya know, pep it up." Your hands are a blur at the bottom of my vision. I can see worry growing in your face.
"I can't. It's not enough anymore." I show you my teeth to say Things are cool, bro. No worries. My mind is screaming WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME DAMMIT.
You exhale slowly.
I can see your eyes straining.
Your chin appears weak.
I know I've pushed you too far, and I give up. I go back to whatever I was doing. Your knee has gently settled against mine. Again, our arms occasionally brush. I try to focus my apologies through these connections and I know you receive them, because after 5 minutes things usually calm back down. We start to joke, and I ask if you need something from the kitchen.
You politely refuse, but I know you will grow envious when I return and have to make your own trip.
I go to the kitchen, trying to remember what I had tried to remember from earlier to tell you. The water is always too cold as I hold some in my mouth for my journey back.
but your spot is empty.
and I realize you weren't here.
and these moments didn't happen.